Incompetent. Disappointment. Failure.
This is what I've become.
Somewhere between overachieving junior year and now I lost my grip on my grades, my level of involvement, my love life, and my sanity. Piecing me back together is going to be harder than I thought.
One of my advisors for the PRSA sent me several emails over the course of the semester last fall. It demonstrated his concern for my ability to lead the student group and in the last email I received I was asked to step down from my position as President of the club.
The boy I was seeing broke up with me via text message because he was unable to commit the time to a relationship. Also, I deserved someone better than him. Things would be different IF... and he goes on to list several things that are irrelevant and unimportant.
This morning I received an email from one of my professors informing me that we would no longer be working on our research project together. I was unable to meet a deadline which has resulted in the loss of my undergraduate research opportunity with one of the greatest educators I will ever know.
As I try to grasp what are now the shambles of my life I can't help but wonder how the hell this all happened. I'm sure senioritis had a hand in it. Taking 17 credit hours, working 2 jobs, serving on the executive board of 2 organizations and completing a research project just didn't mix in well with dating someone full time and being a Greek socialite.
I am a firm believer in fate and that everything happens for a reason, however this time I feel like a lack of effort on my part has resulted in an undesirable position. I have to own up to the fact that I was unproductive and ineffective. Not only am I disappointed that I have lost my research project and will have to step down as President, I am disheartened that I was dating someone that deemed it appropriate to end our relationship via text message. I should have more self respect than that.
I'm not quite ready to move on and discuss how much stress has been lifted from my shoulders. Or how much time I will have to focus on my studies or pick up a new hobby. Or that I will be able to enjoy my last semester at ASU worry free.
Instead I will discern what can be salvaged and stare at the remains in shock.
I hope your day is better than mine.
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