Thursday, September 20, 2012

annoyingly vague and uninspiring

This week has been one of "those" weeks. It seems the world is falling apart and just as you are patting yourself on the back for being so calm and collected you realize you are the craziest one at the party. It was best described to me as an out of body experience. That is a great way to put it, suddenly becoming conscious of a situation in the middle of a screaming match with your 14 year old sister.

I guess it is in these trying times when we find our flaws that we have a decision to make. I can berate myself for the nasty words or irrational decisions made and try to make up for it with gifts, words, or affection. Or I can take a stern look at myself in the mirror and have a come-to-Jesus of sorts. I can grow from this, choose to alter my actions and my mindset. I can ask for help and loving reminders from my family, friends, and that of a higher power. I can continue to strive for who I want to be by surrounding myself with others who radiate the qualities I aspire to posses. I can make this about me, or about them.

Growing up the oldest of four girls has had both its advantages and trying times. I struggle on a daily basis to walk the line between sister and parent. My relationship with my mother and father are not conventional and with that I am in a constant state of tug of war between child and peer. I am going to take the lessons I have learned from this week of insanity with my family and use it to help myself grown instead of stint my relationships with them.

sometimes it really is all about you.