Thursday, December 24, 2009

where are you christmas?

Hello my name is Aimee and this is a Christmas adventure...

Just when I think things couldn't become more outlandish and ridiculous than they already are something so terrible happens and I am left with my mouth hanging open and tears threatening to stream down my cheeks. My family will never cease to amaze me. My father called me today to discuss the details of Christmas. I had been prefaced earlier in the day with a text message around 10:00 am proposing the holiday be postponed a mere two days in order to have our entire "family" present. This was code for we haven't finished our Christmas shopping and Jessie (the youngest of the to-be step siblings) is spending Christmas at her Dad's.

Haleigh was repulsed at the idea of inconveniencing the entire family for one person. Emily was visibly upset as well. Abbey inserted our terrible step mother to-be's name in the song "Mr. Grinch" and I was silent. Yes it was unfair to make everyone wait for one person, but I could see both sides. I would want my family to wait for me.

This request was not what left me standing in shocked silence on the light rail platform on Christmas Eve. It was that my Father was going to treat Christmas like "any other day". He did not insist that we all come up and spend the night to wake up and eat a big breakfast together despite having to wait to open presents. He did not even suggest coming to the house to share a Christmas dinner.

Have you ever been not wanted by somebody? Have you ever been unwanted by one of your parents? On Christmas?

The feeling is core shaking and has made me reconsider who exactly my family is and what it means. My optimistic self quickly contrasted the pros and cons of the situation. I would have more time to finish my hand crafted Christmas presents. My sisters would be heart broken. Wrapping paper would be on sale the day after Christmas. I would wake up on Christmas alone.

My greatest fear, not of spiders or heights, but of spending a holiday alone would consume me. I had the sneaking premonition of what may come, but I had not realized that it would come after a short 21 years.

I am disappointed in my Dad for choosing his new family over his old one. I am disappointed in my sisters for not overcoming the materialistic American ideals of Christmas. I am disappointed in myself for not being able to stand being alone.

Christmas cheer and spirit has escaped the Williams family this holiday season.

Can you help me find it?

No comments: