i came, i studied, i applied myself

Hello my name is Aimee and this is a real life adventure...

I was unable to doodle in statistics this morning, since we had our midterm. It was a double whammy of sorts, as we had both a lab midterm and a lecture midterm. To my surprise I buzzed through both exams without a doubt in any answer. This is either a great thing, or an absolutely terrible thing. I suppose we will find out later in the week.

I feel as if I have had a fifty pound weight lifted off my shoulders. I completed my last midterm exam this afternoon. Five exams in 26 hours nearly killed me, but thanks to a great lab partner (Derrick, you're awesome!) and Dutch Bros. I pulled through. Now that my shoulders feel lighter my stomach is turning in anticipation of my grades.

I keep thinking about how this is my last year as an undergraduate student at Arizona State University. This is my last fall semester to walk Palm Walk and watch the leaves change. The Fall 2009 Panhellenic recruitment was my last as a Chi Omega in the Psi Epsilon Chapter. I will participate in Homecoming just one more time as a member and president of the Parks and Recreation Student Association. I am influencing the some of the last groups of prospective students as a Devils' Advocate. It doesn't feel like I imagined it would. Perhaps that comes later in the spring. For now I feel overwhelmed and tired. I do not feel ready to embrace the world, and I don't know that the world is quite ready for someone like me.

I try to remember what I was doing last year at this time. It feels as if my outward appearance is still recognizable, but that the girl inside is completely different. I'm not sure which way is up. My unfaltering (and somewhat fickle) faith in all that is good and pure allows me to give my heart away, but my insecurities keep me from wearing it on my sleeve. It is often that I wake up and think "what am I doing"?! Maybe I should go back to junior year.

On the upside, midterms create a lack of homework. I shall spend the week catching up on PRSA/Chi Omega/Blog stuff. And reading The Time Traveler's Wife. And if I get ambitious enough I'll lay in the grass in the Civic Space park and watch the clouds float by.

If you're celebrating the end of midterms or just need a study break we can cloud gaze together.

:)