coming soon: the real world

Put your cowgirl boots on and hang on for yet another adventure...

My vanilla bean candle is lit and the scent over-powers my room in the best way. Pandora is doing a wonderful job swirling the musical talents of The Format, Dave Matthews Band, Speechwriters LLC, Mason Jennings, Ingrid Michaelson, Joshua Radin, and many others. I'm wearing my paper crown for nostalgia, hoping it will help me craft a somewhat interesting post. My window is open to Willow, but the weather isn't as cool as November should feel.

I'm feeling rather homesick. The feeling came about yesterday afternoon and has only been welling up inside, slowly consuming all I am. I know it is partly here because a big wonderful chapter in my life is concluding and will soon introduce a new slightly scary and uncertain page in my book. Graduation is literally five weeks away, I'm moving out of the Willow house in eight, and I have no clue what my future holds. On top of everything else Christmas is just round the bend and I am sad because while I know this year will bring new traditions and memories it also means moving away from and all too soon forgetting the old ones.

It is unnerving to me to crave a home that does not exist. I want to live and be in a safe place that smells good, creates a warm calm, and is full of happiness. I want to see my family healthy and joyful. I want to sleep in the same bed every night. I am tired of living out of a duffel bag, tired of worrying.

I hope I find where it is I'm supposed to be. I know who I am supposed to spend the rest of my adventure-filled existence with, but I seem to have lost the directions to the corner of "financially stable" and "organized".

Take a deep breath. Last time I was overwhelmed with adult worries about my internship the stars lined up and everything has turned out to be amazingly lovely. I'm headed for big things, I just have to have faith.

i hope my lucky star is still up there.