Music is a powerful thing. It can make us jump up and dance, feeling on top of the world or touch our hearts and make us cry. It can reminisce forgotten memories and worn out fads. Living within a predominately female environment for my entire life (until a few months ago) I have found how quickly I learn which melodies breathe life into the ghosts of old boyfriends and which spark tales of the past. Some songs find themselves on the forbidden list, never to be played or listened to for the rest of eternity usually do to its attachment to a painful memory.
Two notable songs that have been outlawed from singing are my parent’s and my Aunt Lani’s wedding songs. More specifically, the song they spent months listening to, weighing it against other options, and memorizing the lyrics to make sure it was the perfect choice to dance to for the very first time of their married lives. While playing each will bring out different reactions in these women, both will sufficiently ruin a good mood.
After learning to use lightening fingers to change the radio station while riding along with the women that so heavily shaped my world, I find myself dumbstruck when one of these dreaded songs works its way into my Pandora station at work. I quickly scan my office and find that I do not have to change the song. Out of curiosity I let the song swirl around me and it quickly envelopes my thoughts.
I cannot help but see photographs flash through my mind. The classic poses come first- mom and dad cutting the cake, momma walking down the aisle with my grandpa, and both my mom and my aunt arranged with various family members. Then there are the photos of the actual first dance in which you see the young innocent faces looking longingly into the eyes of their future.
“…baby you’re all that I want, when you’re lyin here in my arms…”
These young women could only dream what those songs would come to represent and mean to them. Because of that first dance children and dogs and homes ensued. That first song became number one on the soundtrack to the new life they would come to build with the lanky and slightly awkward men leading them around the dance floor.
Suddenly I am in their dyed-to-match shoes and taffeta gowns being twirled across a ballroom floor with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Having my hand in his with our eyes locked, both of us brandished with blissful smiles gives me goose bumps.
Quite suddenly my daydream is interrupted by my bleary eyes, for they have seen the aftermath of this dance and the dismantled hopes and dreams that lay in its wake. The image of sharing my life with someone only to be left with the pieces of what used to be my heart makes my chest ache. Suddenly the importance of the forbidden list is clearer than ever.
Next song please.
i hope for healed hearts.
